When he visits, it is genuine and natural. It’s the very last night that he is here that just plunges a knife through my chest and twists and turns for hours of heavy sobbing. It’s knowing that I can get along just fine when I have to but coming to grips of the reality of that he will probably just visit and hope we “find the right place”. I am tough. Tough woman don’t show the emotion in that happen when these things occur. Tough woman don’t look for appreciation, they just “are”. tonight, im not tough. My teara are heavy, energy depleted as I wait to sleep to consume me so that when 3am hits I can hazily say goodbye in an anxious fight to sleep till morning sorrow wakes me and its back to square one.